Choosey Lover…


Spring is in the air. Your winter weight gain has went into hibernation, your confidence is high and the time is ripe for choosing. Just as Kismet would have it, you have more dating options than a 24 year old Blanche Deveraux. Gorgeous new faces want to get familiar, old ones want to reconnect, and part of us struggles to find the deeper meaning underneath it all. Is the curly haired boy from the party the one, maybe it’s the young tender from Facebook that’s been poking you everytime you update your status? If you go out, what’s next? Should you crack open the cookie jar and give him something for his sweet tooth? What if he humps you and dumps you? What about other prospects? Relax- these complex questions have a simple answer. IF you are willing to change your whole entire way of thinking about dating and expectations.

STAY IN THE MOMENT- Dating is like a dancefloor. Go where the groove takes you. Trust your intuition will keep you in step, and ENJOY the experience for that moment in time. Instead of wondering what you and his kids would look like, and what so and so is doing, get lost in the rhythm and excitement of his company. Don’t kill a good time by over analyzing everything your beau says or does, or doesn’t say or doesn’t do. If you like him, be happy. Allow yourself to receive all the attention and affection you require by dropping the baggage of seeking a conclusion. Flow with him as freely as your spirit lets you, soak his company up like sun rays. You deserve all the good times, smiles, and entertainment. Having fun with the guy you like should be just that. Shared moments of enjoyment. You have to learn to relish the now.  The past cannot be redone, and the future has yet to unfold. If good vibes are all around you when he’s around, go with that.

EVEN IF YOU DROP YOUR PANTIES, DROP YOUR EXPECTATIONS- This is an extremely tricky and delicate manuever that will serve you loyally if you learn how to divorce your emotions and ego from your physical body. Being a female, you will naturally develop some sort of attachment when sex is brought into the equation. Remember the best sex in the world doesn’t guarantee you a ring, so be conscious of your motivations for choosing to be intimate. This brings us back around to being in the current moment. Have sex because you want to, not because of some future idea of what sex could bring. There’s no surefire way to decipher if you’re bedding your future mate or just having fun. Do not set yourself up for failure by expecting an instant relationship. If it occurs, great, if not equip yourself with the confidence and assurance that it will be okay if your partner isn’t exactly on the same page as you. Physical connections are strong, but they should not be so strong they negatively affect the sanctity of your precious self worth and esteem. It is a beautiful thing when the physical, mental, and spiritual are brought together, but each element can be pretty satisfying on its own. Be mentally tough enough to know they do not necessarily come as a package deal.

IF YOU DON’T WANT HIM, DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME- Drastic times do call for drastic measures, but don’t be so desperate that any attention is good attention. Time is PRECIOUS, and it makes no logical sense to waste yours with a known dud. If he shows you who he is believe him, and if you don’t like what you are seeing move on to the next one.

MAKE TIME- New connections can happen at any given moment or time. Even if there’s someone that you like, why not be curious about the other one that catches your eye or intrigues you. Don’t worry about  ruining a relationship that hasn’t yet started at all. There are many fish in the sea, so if you pull a good one don’t throw it back out until you are ready.  Don’t let your time be so monopolized without a commitment that you get rid of a promising blue chipper. You are the coach keep the best athletes on the field. An MVP will eventually emerge.

STOP YOUR PRESSURE– On your dates and yourself. Fantasizing about the perfect person and wondering if he’s right before you is natural. Pressuring yourself and him for more and more instead of simply engaging in the active moments you spend with him reeks desperation. It also disrupts authentic energy you and your potential share. There is no set time clock of how things should go so chill. Let go so you can let go.

Moments are precious and powerful things that may build the house of your desires. Unfortunately, none of us know for sure whether it’s a straw house or a brick house. Create the foundation within yourself that no matter what happens it does not need to become a personal reflection upon you. It’s okay you’ve kissed a toad or two. Your life is yours to do with as you wish, so savor every bit of it. Date who you like, be discerning, and don’t get so caught up in what the future holds that you muck up the now. Banking too much on future possibility alone is a gamble that brought down the American economy, and it will bring you down as well. Take out the what ifs, take in the now and get out and revel in the newness of the season and you. If you get too confused, pause and think wwbdd? (what would Blanche Devereaux do?)


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