..Before I leave I brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
when I leave for the evening, I ain’t coming back…
Who doesn’t love a great party, getting dressed to the nines to look like a dime, rolling with the homies and dancing up on hotness all night? There is a certain freedom in losing yourself in music and substances that serve as temporary retreat from life’s responsibilities and obligations. Personally, I believe in a Mimosa for brunch and wine for a night cap- even without the party element. Yet the trend of more and more women being totally shitfaced in public and doing things that they would find heinous being sober is becoming so socially acceptable it contradicts the idea of liberation intoxication fosters in the first place.
Girls just wanna have fun. Boys want to waaay more than you. The abundance of sloshed sexy girls stumbling around inside and outside of clubs and lounges are like a naive dupable congregation to money hungry, snake oil salesman pastors. They can see your impairment and sense your neediness and are more than willing to provide for you the good word (which sounds really good after those $5 martini specials, Red Bull and vodkas, and rounds of Patron shots) you require to make sure you have a sanctuary. They want to take you for everything they can get from you. The only difference is the shady pastor will want to see you next Sunday, while the horny boys don’t even want you to spend the whole night. While drunk sex can be kinda hot, being blitzed and waking up in a total blur is not. It’s fun when Britney sings about it, but when you roll over and and say “damnit..!!” to yourself you begin to realize how much of your power you gave up for nothing. Cross your fingers between the two of you horndogs somebody thought of the Trojan Man and you remember the sex and it was good.
Many of us, many, many, many of us have operated a motor vehicle waay to loaded to drive, though publicly we are all so openly appalled by drunk driving. Most of us thank heavens didn’t crash the whip and made it back home, while some of us don’t end up so lucky. Truly, anybody can end up pulled over on the side of the road Heather Locklear style answering to the po po. Alot of the same people that trashed Paris, Nicole, and Lindsay know people or have themselves had run ins with police and curbs and have faced sometime legal consequences for being trashed behind the wheel. Call ridicule, criticisim, court dates, suspended licences, insurance deductibles, fines, jail time, and background checks a slap on the wrist if you wanna. I call it a serious pain in the ass that shackles you down when all you were trying to do was have a good time. Trust and believe, you don’t want to deal with lady justice, she’s a badder bitch than you are.
Moderation is key, don’t be the sloppy drunk your friends hope don’t puke on their Jimmy Choos. They don’t want to have to monitor bombed out your mind dry humping dance moves and flirtations. Stumbling and passing out is embarrassing. Extreme intoxication is unbecoming behavior that wrecks havoc on your image and its consequences can disrupt you from fully enjoying life. Getting this wasted publicly is never more important that doing what you truly want to do, which you can’t possibly be doing if you allow your judgment to be this clouded. Getting this smashed can open up a can of worms that might not go back in the jar so easy. Your skin and liver will also thank you later if you abstain from these binge nights, but if you can’t help but get plastered- consider hosting house parties with invited guests you trust. The less control you place in other people’s hands the better. Discipline is a matter of active consciousness. Set a limit for yourself at the bar so life won’t set its limits on you.