Some women have the dubious distinction of being able to alter the mood of an entire room in one sigh, side eye, or under the breath huff. Her shrill and commanding presence fumigates good vibrations making it hard for everyone around her to breathe. She states her demands, head shaking and finger pointing like a zealous dictator (think Hitler in a lace front wig and Giuseppe’s) insistent on her every word being heard and immediately obeyed, relentlessly spewing out her vexation upon her subordinates and everyone else. She huffs, puffs, and blows anything away in her path like the Tasmanian Devil on steroids-veins popping out her neck, sweat dripping off her brow, completely clueless of the secret art of walking softly, rebuffing her emotions and assigning her battles to charm, wit, and patience.
Though emotionally liberating I guess, being a bitch to express your irritability sets the tone for unfavorable results. Most of you cunts women think you are really giving people the business by your excessive ranting and assertions but really showing your true colors as a batty unhinged psycho completely gone ape over the most minute of provocations. People avoid you, laugh at you and make your situation worse by being lackadaisical about your plight just to piss you off for pissing them off. Hurling insults and shooting ice glares are distasteful unappealing actions that a true lady refrains from bringing out of her arsenal.
Cue the violins. Every day this asshat woman is in a situation of extreme peril. She is more oppressed by the world than a Hebrew slave, and everyone is always not giving a hot damn hating on her progress and stopping her from reaching her objective. Any and everybody whose number is in her Droid will know of the cruel and unusual punishment that is inflicted on her routinely as she gets stoned everyday like Jesus did. While her friends attempt to not yawn too loudly in the phone, careful not make this asshole’s shitty mood even worse, she expresses her emo side like Pete Wentz watching after Steel Magnolias with Ashlee. Remember to pick her up waterproof mascara for her bday.
Hysterical crackpot women so focused on the immediate gratification of their emotional and physical needs never listen to reason. Reason would point out the flawed logic in acting this way. A true master of any game never lets their opponents know what they are thinking completely because this not effective sound strategy. Listening and observing the goings ons before showing your whole hand will suit your desired outcome more efficiently than acting like a starving two year old with a dirty diaper. Notice the body language and specific words the person you are attempting to persuade is using. Exercise these clues to work your agenda. If you catch someone in a lie or feel your life is being bullshitted away, think about if this is a battle you should walk away from. You don’t need to break out an AK to kill a pesky fly.
Cover your own ass so you don’t have to put up with other people’s shit. This is a simple yet disregarded rule that can avoid confrontation altogether. Dot your i’s and cross t’s so that the only person you have to deal with is you. The less other people’s grubby hands are in your business the better. Don’t be so blinded that you forget your problems add to zilch because people have problems of their own that precedence over your sob story. Be active in protecting your interests and assertive but not aggressive or passive aggressive. There is a way to be direct and clear without being overbearing or bitchassed. Learn to walk the line of the even tempered. Do not show your feelings on your face. Don’t show displeasure in your tone. Think of a southern belle that bats her eyes and subtly winks and gets whatever her bitty heart desires without even raising her voice. This lady doesn’t worry her pretty little head about anything because she trusts that she is blessed and convinced that things will work out for her benefit. She kills her bees with honey instead of vinegar, tasers, and billy clubs.
Women hate to feel unheard, ignored, or dissed. This can make a woman’s mood hotter than hellfire. A woman who lives in grace, calm, and peace has her wits about herself always which allows her to manipulate things in her favor. Her navigation skills are sharp and lead her straight to her desired outcome, never losing direction because of a silly little thing like emotions. Her blood pressure is low and she has less lines in her forehead than her ill-tempered peers. People respect her and are too in awe of her to ever need to fear her. They don’t want to cross her, they want to make her happy because they actually like her. So you dramatic bitches take a bow and exit stage left. Please. Everybody is sick of seeing you showing your ass.