Mixed Messages- Didn’t Mean To Turn You On…


In a perfect world, a lady should be able to go out have a good time and call it quits when she’s ready. Ultimately she maintains control over the proceedings of the evening. Nothing happens she doesn’t want to happen. But in a world of shades of gray, many things are left open for interpretation, and black and white is so far on the opposite ends of the spectrum that even the most explicit no can translate into a yes depending who is on the other end of the message. Believe it or not, there are Neanderthals still lurking around the corner, hiding behind three-piece suits and engaging smiles that still think they have the right to any woman that they fancy. Instead of clubbing her on the head and dragging her back to the cave for a roll in the sack they ply their prey with drinks, dinner dates, attention, and assert their rightful place on top of her- because this Neanderthal feels you must repay the tab you ran up.

Social networking and the six degrees of separation theory has led everyone to believe that any stranger is their “friend”. You know the same people, you can see random blurbs a person sends out into the virtual universe and feel that you actually know the person that you’ve never really got to know. A cyber personality and an actual person is never one in the same. It’s true that these methods of contact can give you a general idea of who the person is, but it’s never an absolute gauge as to who the person really is in real life. Mixing that with alcohol and good times can create an atmosphere of confusion on both sides. Make sure you always monitor and limit your alcohol intake around strangers. Especially strangers that wish to crush your cookies. These Neanderthals are notorious for making sure you are nice and saucy, and some even go as far as putting GHB, an odorless, colorless, salty tasting (which the alcohol often masks) sedative in your drinks to speed up the process of getting you home. This dangerous drug which is basically degreasing solvent or floor stripper mixed with drain cleaner is much cheaper than ecstasy and leaves you in a complete blur. If you think some random stranger that you’ve decided to go out with wouldn’t possibly spike your drink you are naive and mistaken. It is your responsibility to keep your wits about you when you are with strangers. Neanderthals don’t care about the parents who love you, your future goals, or what happens to you. There are millions of Natalee Holloway’s all over the country that had the misfortune of having one too many with the wrong person.

Being an independent woman isn’t just a song Beyonce sings, it’s also about a lifestyle. Women may swear by the “I never spend a penny and look at all the gifts he gives me” mantra, but this is a false reality. You should ALWAYS pay your own way when you go out with new suitors until you are sure this is someone you will be building a relationship with. In 2010, Neanderthals believe if you accept their drinks and eat the food they’ve paid for that you are effectively signing over the rights to your pussy for the evening. If you cannot afford to pay your own way, do not go. PERIOD. Money is a powerful tool that many believe is an automatic green light to do with you as you wish if accepted, as crazy as that may sound. The feminist movement has confused a lot of men and they no longer know their place in relationships with today’s woman. Some believe that if you do allow them to pay it’s because you like them and want to have sex with them. Be very wary of racking up big bills with these Neanderthals because they will expect to be paid back in full.

If you are meeting up with some new new, explore the possibility of going out on double or group dates. Back in the day, people got to know each other in groups whether than one on one settings. Your friends may be able to see things in your date that you may not initially see. Also there is safety in numbers. There is also less room for separation without the consultation of the group. Your friends will know if you’re overdoing the alcohol and will quickly stop Neanderthals in their tracks. If it’s getting too late and the clock starts creeping over into nothin’ goin on but fuckin’ hours they will make sure you find your way home alone or at least to her couch to crash. It may sound corny and teenagerish to group date, but it often relieves the pressure of expectations and makes the time more about having fun rather than about probing how to get you horny.

What is black and white to you may not be so black and white to someone that’s not trying to hear anything you have to say. Neanderthals are not content with a good night kiss, or even making out. Be very aware of the precarious situation you can put yourself in by being overly friendly especially with people you do not really even know. Mace isn’t bad to have as Louis Vuitton bag companion, but neither is setting clear boundaries with the person you are getting to know. Make sure you verbalize your non intent on sex, and state unequivocally what you expect from your date, whether its hang out buddy or a relationship. Do not make assumptions that the unsaid miraculously pops into your suitors head, because you don’t necessarily know if you’re on a date with a Neanderthal that may be too dense to pick up on your body language or too blinded but his own wants to see that yours are not inline with his, if he even cares. Your discernment should be like your Blackberry, never leave home without it!!

the classic Cherrelle hit Didn’t Mean To Turn You On- a predecessor to Janet Jackson’s Control…


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