Monthly Archives: June 2010

You ARE what you EAT.. An Argument for Vegetarianism

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If you were a little kid on the playground scared to jump rope, you might be called a chicken. If you suck up food like a vacuum, you may be labeled a pig. If you make mountains out of molehills, you’re having a cow. The negative connotations attached to the animals we eat has a real impact in our lives. As consumers we very rarely think of how the things on our plates get there. Pet owners know their animals have real emotions and real feelings and reactions to things that happen to them. Why wouldn’t we think the animals we kill for food do not?

Most people believe in a physical world and a spiritual world. The spiritual world is a world of unseen feelings, emotions, and a constant stream of consciousness. We are spooked out about sleeping in a haunted house, but not spooked out about the Pet Cemetary we’ve got in our bellies. Slaughterhouses that kill the animals people eat are unclean houses of horror in which animals are hoarded together in filth American Slavery style with the knowledge of their upcoming deaths. They hear the screams and see the pain of the other animals with fear searing thru their bodies as they wait their turn to die.

If you believe in a spiritual world, it is contradictory to believe that the feelings of fear, stress, and anxiety the animals we eat are not being transferred to us by consumption. Outside of not having colon cancer, diabetes, and obesity, think about what you are allowing into your spirit by eating processed meat.

Dude Where’s Your Hairline..The Ugly Side of Weave Wearing

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Don’t get me wrong, we LOVE weave. But just as anything else, there is a difference between usage and abusage. Weave abusers make all weave wearers look bad. The frightening thing about the above offenders is that they supposedly have the best weave masters in the world maintaining their hair and the end result is either a matted mess like the ex Mrs. Federline’s or a hair-line that would make John Legend cringe. Please monitor your real hair for changes and breakage, as well as seeing your stylist regularly for weave care.

As a weave wearer, it is your responsibility to stay on the cutting edge of new weave applications and techniques. Do not let your stylist do the quickest and easiest weave. A good weave is meticulous and may require hours of your time. Glues, braiding, and infusions if not properly installed put in and properly removed will destroy your hair. Ask your stylist questions, and consider wearing a good wig or your natural hair from time to time. If not, one day you might look in the mirror and see a cactus staring back at you.

Daughters be Good to Your Mothers

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Your mother is the very first example a woman has in her life that influences what she wants to be and wants not to be. A mother’s mistakes are immortalized in our memories forever, and her positive attributes are tattooed inside our hearts as a testament of grace and kindness. To strive to be like your mother can be like aspiring to climb Mt. Everest and a simultaneous reminder of a living nightmare of what bad decisions or patterns will manifest in life. As adult women, we must ascertain which parts of an often prickly, intrusive relationship will push us to become the women we want to be without pissing off the person we want us to respect and love us the most.

She has an opinion on everything that you do. She hates your choice of mates, how you live your life, and how you raise your kids. Her advice is often abrasive and unsolicited. She’s known you longer than anybody, yet understands you the least. Not only that, when you’re wearing that extra ten pounds her face appears in the mirror everyday when you put on your make up as a memento for your thoughts. What we often forget is that just as we see her in us, she sees herself in you. Your dreams may be echoes of her stalled ambitions, and footprints of where she once walked. Her bitching wisdom is her form of preventive medication. She doesn’t want you to dream too big- not because she doesn’t want you happy, but because she doesn’t want to see you hurt. Since you were born she was mandated to protect you from the big, bad, cold world, now that you’re an adult that does not stop now. Mothers nestle into the role of being control freaks since they are saddled with the responsibility of child rearing, working, and playing Superwoman 24-7. Watching you make what she perceives to be mistakes is internal torture to her. Why can’t you just dress/act/live like the way she wants you to?

Our genetics and environment have a lot to do with making us who we are, however we choose what we are to be. Shunning your mother’s advice in her eyes is shunning her and who she is. She resents that you go out of your way to not be like her. She believes that you are being hard-headed in direct contrast of her opinions just to spite her, and not because you want to live your own life. Motherhood is a life long work in progress, and for you to go against what she has taught you or wishes for you is an insult to her parenting skills. It is very important to her what other people think about you because you are a reflection of her. It is difficult for her to accept you because you being your own person translates to her that you do not accept her, or what she did for you was not good enough. As adult women, it is essential that we validate our mothers and learn to be the understanding, unconditional loving person we wish she could be.

Just like we shake off words from haters, the painful things your mother may say to you in the heat of battle must be shaken off as well. Despite her Mommy Dearest tendencies, there is nothing on Earth more important to her than her children. Her tactics, just like her, are not perfect. How unfair is it to hang your mother from the highest tree for hurling insults when we forgive our friends and lovers for worse offenses? Daughters often feel that mothers that disagree with them are no longer in their corner and banish them to oblivion for what Mommy said or didn’t say. Adapting a filtering ear to funnel thru her obvious emo reaction is a better alternative than creating more tension by fueling her fire. If certain topics tend to send her down Pissed Off Parkway, avoid these topics. Take time to find out who your mother is an adult woman and make your time with her about her life and her interests instead of the All About You show. Stop blaming her for who she is, and allow her bossy, nosy true nature to shine thru. All women want to feel appreciated, and if they do not Hell hath no fury. Discover new and interesting things about her, and transfer your feelings of never being able to make her happy into doting on her. Women love attention.

Face the fact that you may never have the relationship with your mother that you want to, but that’s why God gave us friends, aunts, sisters, and grandmas. Just because Mom isn’t down with your fuckery the way you live your life doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. At some point we must become adults and accept her for her imperfections as we would want her to do for us. The Mother-Daughter dynamic doesn’t have to be a love/hate rollercoaster if you choose to unass yourself from the front row seat. Be the person to her that you wish she was for you. It’s said that it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks, so sometimes you have to let a bitch be a bitch. The only person you can control is yourself. Act with omniscient understanding and grace. Be honorable and respectful to your mother. Give her space and when she vents, just move the phone away from your ear if you are not trying to hear what she has to say. Just remember lots of times she’s been there and done that and you may be missing out on some good game.

Pissing in the Dating Pool Part 1

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The heat of summer and the pool go together like peanut butter and jelly. Playing in the water is always fun and games, until that ONE person goes and ruins everybody’s good time by pissing in the pool and sending everyone running to the beach chairs. As kids we are taught that pissing in the pool is not only totally gross, but a complete embarrassment for the pisser and the pissees. So why as adults do we think its okay to piss in the dating pool by fraternizing with losers, sponsoring Federlines, and letting egomanics roam our hearts unchecked? Women always blame guys for their piss poor attitudes about dating and relationships, but do we ever look in the mirror to examine what we condone in our love affairs?

In our desperation search for worthy mates, we often respond to the aesthetically pleasing. Swagger has taken the place of good attributes we look for in our mates. So instead of an actual hard-working man, we settle choose a perceived hard worker. We look at his clothes, his car, and his tats and voila Mr. Right! We don’t find out until later he’s dodging the repo man and dons the same three outfits on rotation. This creates friction within us because we have fallen in love with our image of what he is and not who he is in actuality. We subconsciously loathe him, and even though we may try to change him, we still accept piss poor actions, lies, laziness- suffering in silence until your bff’s ear vomits from you force feeding it such bullshit. We adapt the “all men are dogs” mantra hoping to train him with sex and bribing him any way we can to keep him around, although in the back of your mind you want to scream “You ain’t shit!” slamming the door behind him. But then you’ll be alone, and we can’t have that, can we?

What we fail to realize as women is that the piss poor dating pool is not because of men. A generation of women that don’t have the cojones to challenge a man mentally, spiritually, and financially is the problem. Women are so afraid of being alone that any old dude will do, as long as he fits the swagger requirements. We’ve almost grown to admire other people’s perception of us (our material possessions, relationships, etc) more than we value ourselves. We’ve condoned cheating, lies, and Federlines because we think so little of ourselves. We will go out of our way to try to change a known loser, yet we do very little to change ourselves. We’ve diluted our natural instincts as patient nurtures into being passive pussies that will take any attention over none at all. We flirt with married men, dance with booed up guys, and make out with strangers just to hold on to that minute of attention and affection.

We turn the other cheek to domestic violence and emotional coldness everyday. Once we enter the comfort zone in relationships this “anything goes” policy is invoked that says whatever happens behind closed doors doesn’t matter as long as we appear publicly happy. Once an argument is escalated to violence (shoving, slapping, throwing, etc) lines of respect no longer exist. Instead of counseling, violence is swept under the rug with some hot sex and a cigarette. We never address with our mates the emotional triggers of violence. We give him the don’t hit me again speech and keep it movin. Even if the guy is a total tool that’s emotionally vacant we simply accept it although it tears us up on the inside. We’ve become so afraid to upset him we allow ourselves to carry the burden of all the relationship problems while he’s playing Call of Duty blasting rap records.

Is it your man’s fault that you are such a punk that you refuse to stand up for yourself? Is it his problem that you will smackabitchup for looking at him as his eyes screw every girl in the room? Is he the fool if he lies to your face and you accept it? If your best friend acted with 10% of the malice, arrogance, and selfishness this dude does she would be absolutely banished from your life forever, yet because he’s your man he has the license to ill at will. When you two finally do end your relationship (as ALL boyfriends and girlfriends either end up broken up or married) you’ve sent this piss poor excuse for a man piranha out in the dating pool to terrorize the next chick. Thanks bitches.

Working Towards a Dream…

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The mirror and the morning is our 21st century sand seeping through the hourglass, a constant reminder of how time is always going, even when we went to call for a time out. We realize our dreams, our limitations, and wonder which path will lead us to the promised land of self-satisfaction. Sometimes our work and our dreams do not coincide and presents a dilemma that only a psychic could unravel and we are forced with choosing between surviving and living. We often look at this as a quid pro quo exchange, as bartering your dreams for a paycheck leaves something more to be desired. To decide that a job is a means to an end versus a living initially will challenge your time to cultivate your dreams, but we all make time for what is truly important to us.

People rarely achieve their dreams pro bono. There is a sacrifice, exchange, or loss endured that becomes the fuel or the Achille’s Heel of their plight. There are many reasons to not chase after the desires in your heart. Time is just the tip of the iceberg. The work that goes into dream chasing is as all-encompassing as a full-time job is. The stair steps to any dream are long and windy, and once one flight is behind you, you temporarily feel relief until we realize the stress mentally and physically climbing the next flights will be. At this point the easiest thing to do may be to cut losses and settle on the dreamless, droid-like existence of survival. The robotic repetition that we fear is often the skeleton of the restructure of our lives. If we can master the discipline that our needs drive, we can implement this same discipline to make time to propel our wants. It’s as if we trick our mind into thinking our wants are needs. This is the same process that we use to justify the purchase of expensive threads and nights of bottle poppin’. Instead of using this thought pattern for the short-sighted goals of being fly, we can use it to funnel our attention and time to our dreams.

Dreams are work. Natural ability can only take you so far. Our dreams must become our life’s work. Our occupations should sponsor whatever our desires are, not take over our lives. Occupations are an integral parts of achieving our dreams because they sustain our lifestyles. Balancing the toll of occupational hazards (office beauracracy, promotions, stress) and bills often stop our dreams in their tracks. External happenings should never restrict the internal drive to our dreams, though the external can move us to realign our goals. When we go to work we should ask ourselves what are we working for? What are we working towards? To take on a 9-5 with no clear goal is submitting to the slavery of the status quo, and you are now no different from the legions of dreamers that can never seem to get the right footing to walk on their faith in themselves. Remain cognoscent of the balance that must be in place. Make clear goals for your spending habits and your time. Make your investments in your dreams, take classes, read articles, seek out peers, and work at perfecting your craft. Unless your job aligns with your dream be careful not to let the pressures of your job become poison to your creativity, and be mindful that your dream doesn’t become the scapegoat of why you can no longer afford your life.

Write out your goals– Remind yourself everyday why you are doing what you are doing. Your own words in print will be the outline of how you should lead your life, instead of reacting to what is going on around you.

Create a Syllabus- People that have went to college understand the importance of structure and knowing what is going to happen next. Freestyling your dream instead of working towards predetermined goals may prolong your life in survival mode because there is a lack of method to the madness. Assess what is most important to you and follow your blueprint.

Balancing Acts- Take notice of what activities monopolize your time and make adjustments. Although it may seem like Mission Impossible, remember everything is a process of becoming. Be thankful that you have realized your dream and don’t kick your own ass for not realizing it sooner. Time is always ticking, but that can be seen as a renewal instead of an expiration. If your dream is involved there should always be enough of you to go around.

Life is a series of decisions and choices, forks in the road, wrong turns, right turns, and straight lines. Pray for guidance and listen to that little GPS inside us all called intuition to lead us on our life roads. Work like Joe Jackson is your daddy, and perform like Phil Jackson is your coach. You deserve the best you have to give, and the only person with the sole duty to provide for you is you. Don’t dream inside your head, make the time to work your dreams into your life.