Broken Promises and a Fleeting Dream: Not Just for Christina Milian

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As relationships certainly giveth, they surely can taketh away. Christina Milian is the latest member of the Ex Wives Club, being dumped unceremoniously by her husband music producer and artist The Dream. The writing was on the wall for the could have been Mrs. Nick Cannon could have been when The Dream professed in interviews his strict aversion in the diaper changing of their daughter and his half assed approach on parenting and marriage because he didn’t want to set up “expectations“. As the “help” raises his daughter, he’s being blown back Lewinsky style by his “help” in the Caribbean sun. The on to the next sentiment and it’s potentially personal destructive forces are increasingly too strong for the appearance of a sacred union to bear.

I’s married now!!,” isn’t just one of the most memorable lines from The Color Purple for no reason. Women have inexplicably for generations placed their value and esteem in the ever elitist institution of marriage, quick to show the bling finger as they wave to the multitudes of their old maid ass unmarried friends. Marriage is a status symbol with the presumably ultimate cosign of worth and commitment. You must be lovable if a strong and handsome man is willing to put a ring on it in this flooded snatch market. Often married women put their ambitions on the side, just for a while to emotionally (and often financially) support their husband’s dreams. Wives routinely sacrifice on behalf of their marriage as a testament to their calling of being a “strong woman” and an accessible wife and lover and mother and professional and obligations require more hat changes than a Lady GaGa concert.  The phrase “me time” becomes words that seemed like dreams or a life that was in the not so distant rearview of life. Giving up who you are to be something for somebody else not only makes you feel strained, you look weak in the eyes of your husband, it’s as if he almost doesn’t really respect your unbridled loyalty.  Your spinster friends lives seem alot less complicated as you are saddled with wifey responsibility and the intrinsic need for self-expression and freedom, but duty and the crown of being Queen to your King is locked in vows sealed with the symbolic blood diamond. Self division is a formidable risk when two become one- the ratio of lives and situations seem to take away,  and the balance seems one sided, but still equals to the whole of the bond of marriage.

The peculiar instituion of marriage is seen as badge of stability and inspiration to an America that boasts statistics that flatline the hopes of many young, and black women in particular of ever walking down the aisle to There Goes My Baby by Usher Here Comes the Bride.
Despite the 50% divorce rate people love a good love story with a happy ending. Whose heart doesn’t get all melty over hearing about people that stuck out marriage? Happily married people remind us all that the ending in The Notebook eternal devotion and companionship still exist. Married people often are tasked with posturing their relationship just to keep the ever-growing single population believing in love, when they often search for the meaning themselves. People grow and change over time, over money, over weight, over promotions, over set backs and the married people seem to have to not just hold it together for their own families but as an example of Holy moly unity and love that is ominously a fading thing.  Too bad the adulation and reverence the bond of marriage doesn’t quite translate in a world of thirsty heauxes that with the right stroke of ego and chance will smash anybody’s husband, financial stress, financial contribution, child rearing, and the responsibility of being a wife. The childhood dream of being the blushing bride can replaced with a nightmare reality of being hostage to traditional expectations and roles.

Historically marriage has always been seen as the shining trophy in the ascension of social circles. People have married strategically as means of gain to their ego and bank accounts. Schmoozing with a peer approved mate adds gloss and shine to the perception that marriage already seems to bolster. The connection to the right person brings attention and more respect. Marriage has almost become a stock market of match making, where people attach themselves to the person that can get them the furthest in life in the least amount of time. Men that particularly marry for these reasons will expand their portfolio, seeking side lovin’ a better performing blue chipper.

Marriage needs a PR person asap. Maybe the people who do the US Army commercials or the people who made the world forget Kobe Bryant was accused of rape. Droves of people are  getting married and unable to live up to the stipulations the blessed union demands. As Federlines and groupies marry for money and attention, pimps always eventually marry their bottom bitches, the good guys and the bad guys look just alike, and nobody wants to be alone. Gay people beg for the right to marry that the straights have made a zeitgeist that tells gays their love isn’t good enough for, yet routinely flaunt the do over of divorce in their faces.The altar may be a pretty place to get dressed in all white and take pretty pictures, but image of marriage and the reverence of its vows have taken a pretty ugly beating.

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About queen4today

This is the story and observations of many Queens through the eyes of One. This isn't about overindulgence, it's about a desire for excellence. The best in life, and harmony in her home. Any woman that realizes her worth, potential, and promise at one time or another is a Queen. Life however, can be her beast, and although she may not always make the right choice, she survives, living it up every chance she gets.. :)

One response »

  1. I love this article. You hit alot of key points. I think marraige needs to be revisited under a radically different lense(perspective). I guess personally I think that the black community should come up with their own version that does not involve the courts or government having any say so what so ever in your household and family affairs e.g. child support, marraige or other government contracts. Also stop with the ridiculous vows! No, I do not promise to love and keep you till DEATH do us part. But I promise not to hurt you intentionally and you ARE a part of my FAMILY till death especially if we have kids! Most of us need to learn to be single first anyways, before we even think we can get married. If you cannot be happy single you cannot be happy married.

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