Maury’s Most “Unthinkable” Guests Alicia, Swizz, Mashonda, and Jahna..(A Hypothetical Daytime Talk Show)


This is a topic I’ve been trying to avoid for months. Soul music’s “Superwoman” Alicia Keys has wowed the masses with her artistry, creativity, and powerful messages of love.  Her body of work stands out amongst club friendly party anthems and half-dressed sex sellers that seem to dominate R&B’s ranks. When Alicia sang “Everything means nothing, if I don’t have you..” or “This love is unbreakable…” who would have ever guessed she could have been singing about smashing a married man? Swizz Beatz, a prolific hit maker who has crafted hits for everyone from DMX to Beyonce, to her husband Jay Z, traded in his family and four-year marriage to another R&B singer, Mashonda to do the unthinkable with Alicia after a year long affair. All of this could have been fine and dandy- except for the fact another R&B singer, Jahna Sebastian has come forth with another Swizz baby. If you have been living under a rock, Alicia Keys is currently pregnant by Swizz. Am I the only one that’s started to think the life of A.Keys is becoming an episode of Maury?

Maury: Welcome back. This is Mashonda. She’s been a previous guest on our show with her cheating husband Swizz Beats who failed a lie detector test and got another woman pregnant. Not only was Mashonda publicly humiliated, she was shocked to find out her husband wanted to throw the towel in on her and their family, look at the picture of Kaseem Jr, isn’t he adorable?

The audience coos.

Mashonda: Yes Maury he is adorable. I love my son. He misses his father so much….

Maury: Has Swizz been taking care of his child?

Mashonda: He’s in and out. He sends money. Kaseem needs more than that, he needs his father. I never thought I would be a single mother raising a family…

Maury: Well I know that’s hard Mashonda. We do have another guest Jahna, who claims that Swizz is the father of her baby girl. Come on out Jahna….

the audience applauds

Jahna: Thank you Maury. Hi Mashonda…I don’t mean to be disrespectful to you Mashonda. I know how hard this is for you but my baby needs diapers, clothes, formula… look at the screen. This baby looks just like Swizz he won’t acknowledge my child, he won’t see my child. He sends me $1500 a month Maury. He’s a millionaire!!

Jahna screams at the screen showing Swizz backstage

Swizz: I’m a millionaire not you!!! Get outta here you bust down!!

the audience boos

Maury: Well Swizz says that both of you are causing drama in his life and won’t accept the fact that he’s moved on to be with his pregnant fiance. Do you two still want him?

Mashonda and Jahna: Hell no!!!

Swizz: They lyin Maury. They both want me and they both still love me. They just mad cause I’m with Alicia…

Jahna: Don’t nobody want you!! You need to take care of your child!! That’s all I want…!!!

Maury: Do you want Swizz back Mashonda?

Mashonda: He is a great father and our family doesn’t feel complete without him there…

the audience boos

Maury: Let’s bring Swizz and his pregnant fiance Alicia out. Swizz and Alicia come on out!!

the audience boos LOUDLY, flashing thumbs down signals at the couple

Swizz: Haters! Haters! Haters! Y’all don’t know me haters!! What’s up Maury?

Alicia quietly moves her seat away from the girls and Swizz follows her lead

Maury: Now in a twist to the story, Swizz did admit to our producers to being the father of Jahna’s daughter and has admitted that he was sleeping with all three of you women at the same time…

Swizz: That was before me and Alicia was serious Maury. I take responsibility of my children but I no longer want to deal with these psycho *beep* that are trying to ruin my life with this *beep* and Jahna, Jahna… tell the truth… You was a one night stand and you was just tryin to get some tracks from me and…

Jahna: What married man just sleeps around with other women and he’s married? And you need to just look to your left to see who’s really trying to get tracks from you, please!! *Beep* you, pay me!! How’s that Swizz?

Maury: Alicia- you are kind of quiet…

Alicia: I just know both of these women are thirsty and desperate and Swizz is a wonderful, great man. We are truly soul mates and we just want to be happy together without all this drama these women have caused in our lives. We are together. I am pregnant with his child. We are unbreakable…

Maury: Well Alicia- yesterday we set up cameras in our green room with Swizz backstage with a sexy decoy.. Do you want to see the tape…..??

the audience roars…

The image of the angelic songstress Alicia Keys is slowly being replaced by allegations of homewrecking and selfishness. We don’t know if she is truly in love, or just another naive woman who accepts the “unacceptable” just to have a man in her life. Truly I hope Alicia is aware of the “ruff ride” she’s signed herself up for by getting involved with a married man, that had no qualms about being involved with her, or any other woman for that matter.

one of the MANY songs Alicia has thinly veiled as an ode to her love, Swizz. You may not go crazy, but you most definitely look crazy right now Alicia.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s