All Men Are Dogs!!! So Date Women…!! The Plight of the Love Starved Fauxmosexual

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Few things are as clearly ambiguous as female sexuality. From Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl to the L Word, lesbianism has become the back seat driver on the road of lust in pop culture. Where girls were once hiding in closets, their loud and proud sexploits are in our faces like a great pair of double d’s. While homos are still fighting for the right to marry and equality under the law, the lure of lesbianism is recruiting new soldiers like the US Army. With the ratios of single and available men dissipating every year, more and more women are starting to look at their BFF’s in a more than friendly way. What could be a better deal than being with someone who knows what it’s like to have cramps every month and not to mention sharing accessories and orgasms with? A fellow Venus-ite understands what it’s like to be a woman more than a Martian could, and just wants to be loved just like you do. Another woman wouldn’t lie or cheat like a man does. Joining the ranks of the carpet munchers looks like a viable, easy option since no one wants to be alone, but is the carpet that much better than the hard wood?

Females seem to be pretty dramatic. Even as children, we acted out the soap opera which was Barbie’s life.  By the time college rolls around, girls and guys often pressure young women to have a slice of putang pie. Bi-curiousity is natural, but all curious thoughts are not necessary to explore. A full-blown lezzie isn’t typically interested in being a sexual lab rat for a wishy-washy maybe bi-girl. If she really likes you and you are just trying out fish in the sea, you could have a brand new crush to ward off.  Some lesbians are on vampire mode, looking for new blood to suck and transform into one of their own. They love the chase and the power of turning another girl out. How foolish could you look sleeping with a known lesbian predator just because you’ve become disillusioned with boys? Just like men view the vulnerable as conquests, so do these pussy seizing pirates. If you think you look crazy being the stalkerazzi of your boyfriend, imagine how you’ll feel stalking some elusive lesbian woman conqueror. Fights are just as intense if not more so and because  you are both girls the domestic violence stigmas have less sting. Ask around, many of lesbians have squared up toe to toe with their partners in pussy. Be prepared to argue to the edges of the earth because all women love to have the last word. The mental stress of being so familiar and so close can make for the most hurtful and embarrassing arguments of your life. Your homegirls may not be the best audience for the Ellen and Anne Heche Show. New found lesbianism could confuse your friends and family members opening up another can of worms or whoop ass. The PDA’s you shared with your former boy toys are now freak shows if anyone sees you smooching or hand holding with your lady lover. Stares, gasps, oohs and ahhs, ridicule, and everybody questioning you about your life isn’t so hard to get used to.

Deciding to cross over to the state of Vagina is not a decision that should be made just to spite a man, or because of loneliness. Neither should it be made because some lezzie thinks you’re hot. Sex produces chemical bonds and endorphins in our brains that tie us to one another, and all these soul ties should be considered before the actual acts. Fun isn’t just fun when your heart is in the hands of Rosie the Riveter. Once certain boundaries are crossed it is difficult to go back, so the tipping point must be fully examined on an individual basis before following through with residency at the cat house. After review, many of the girl smoochers are really just confused and looking for love in all the wrong places. Just because Prince Charming’s hairy knuckles aren’t yet rapping on your door, that doesn’t mean place the glass slipper on Cinderella’s foot.

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