Teflon is a non stick chemical that despite heat, withstands its integrity. During my personal process of becoming heat has burned treasured relationships into crisps of nothing, attempted to toast my state of mind, and overcooked the recipe of understanding, empathy, and support I formerly held in the highest esteem. I discovered many of the relationships I held in high regard were some people’s means to an end, or just affiliations others could use to advance themselves. I’ve been attacked, lied on, shut down, used, conveniently misunderstood, and yet the onslaught has not scorched my pride, my heart, or my spirit. In fact it has made it stronger.
As a writer, we have the task of observing and interpreting things on levels other people rarely experience. We seek what drives certain actions, behaviors, and thought processes. We want to know the whys and the hows. We are typically sensitive. My sensitivity has been both my saving grace and what people have chosen to damn me by. My vulnerability has fueled my curiosity and been the blade people closest to me have shoved into my back with the same hands they once embraced me with. However instead of distrusting people, I have learned to trust myself. I have learned to respect myself for the principles and perspective I have. The rosy colored contacts I chose to view people with are now off and have been replaced with the all assuring presence of my intuition, and the laser vision of a realist. I finally understand people can’t be taken at their word, nor do they always mean what they say even in times of what they think is honesty. Each word I ever chose to share with any living being can simply be reloaded as ammunition used to kill my pride, spirit, and understanding. Being made of teflon the shots slide off me eventually, but I always look at the shooter in shock that of all people it would be the ones I helped the most that would try to murder who I am. When I needed a hand up, people kicked me when I was down. This is when I understood I’d have to lean on a Greater understanding just to stand back up.
Everybody dies alone. Living does not have to be that way though. Despite our needs for love, companionship, and understanding, there is nothing like being your own best friend, your own family, and your own coach. Encourage yourself, empower yourself, and be your own cheerleader. Most of the people we look at to inspire us and understand us are not what we think they are at all. People lie to themselves so much and each mirror is clouded with so much smoke people can’t even see who they are anymore. But that doesn’t have to be my fate. My need for love, family, and friendship will not overcome the need of me loving and always being there for myself ever again. When the frying pan hits the fire, I am so grateful that the residue does not have to stay with me, and after the intense heat and pressure I am still whole.
…After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong
‘Cause if it wasn’t for all that you tried to do
I wouldn’t know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you…
Fighter- Christina Aguilera 2002