Category Archives: wellness

IceBox Slim – The Valentine’s Day Manifesto

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I think there is an icebox where my heart used to be.

A year ago, I was in a fairy tale. I was set to release my first novel, and in love with my first love after a seven year break. I could not believe my life. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t in a dream. It was as if the gods of Love, reconciliation, and karma had brought my life full circle. People were telling me they could sense a change in me, how I seemed more at peace.

As the buying public gave my novel a resounding “sit your ass down!!” and the “love” of my life kissed me off with all the detachment and mixed messages of a Deadbeat Daddy, I sit in the corporate offices that drove me to become an artist. The office beaucracy is a far cry from my simple bohemian artist life. Not used to using the standard PC scrolly mouse in favor of the MacBook 1 click, I checked a box on a spreadsheet I shouldn’t have. One of the managers tore into me for making such a huge mistake, and my mother is upset with me for being upset with myself for not achieving my personal goals to my satisfaction.

So there lies my poor heart. Once a boiling cauldron, now an icy igloo. I’ve been taught the lesson not to trust ANYONE so many times I’d RATHER spend my personal time alone. The worst betrayals are always the most intimate. The risks I couldn’t seem to be complete without taking have crashed and burned my once open heart and fiery spirit. So I can’t control if the book buying public will buy my book, nor can i control who wants to be in or out my life, or who chooses to judge me by impossible standards.

I dotted away the last trace of tears from my eyes, careful not smudge my MACnificient eyes. I’ll think about how Prince Charming is romancing another woman, be alone with my thoughts, and later be alone with some personal merriment. Perhaps I’ve spread so much of myself that I forgot to leave some left for me? It’s quite a peculiar thing to feel your heart do the reverse Grinch, instead of growing two sizes bigger, my heart is shrinking. Good riddance. It hurts way too much when you care so much.

The GREATEST Love of All

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There is no shortage of commentary about how talented, yet flawed Whitney Elizabeth Houston was. Every new story echoes Whitney’s greatness, and somehow points out her substance addiction- perhaps an attempt to dim the light of her brilliant radiance. Rumors, lies, and half truths swirled around her in life, and inevitably follow her in death. Despite all of the back handed compliments and condemnations of Whitney, her essence and life should permeate us all into a greater understanding of self.

 

Whitney was gifted. It was an absolute no brainer that the tall and gorgeous Whitney Houston was unlike anyone who had ever graced our radios & TV screens. No one was as naturally beautiful with the soprano pipes Whitney had, even as a teenager. In another world, Whitney who famously mentored and mothered up and coming musicians, would have been a vision in Versace couture teaching Tyra Banks to man up against Naomi Campbell and showing her how to work her awkwardness. Whitney told the modeling world no, & Arista’s CEO Clive Davis yes and singlehandedly transformed the face of popular music. As Madonna pushed her sexuality and Janet flirted between sassy and political consciousness, Whitney simply exuded the type of glamor usually reserved for Fairy godmothers and princesses from Disney movies. Whitney’s vocals had the soul of old ladies in the front row of Grandma’s church, matched with the power and control of a seasoned opera chanteuse. Somewhere between jaw dropping amazing and striking beauty was the woman, who’s gifts were perhaps so effortless she may have not known the true value of them herself.

the FIRST Black Woman to Make the Cover of SEVENTEEN Magazine was... That's right Whitney

 

Clive Davis knew the value. Whitney’s songs made him a very rich man, Her catalog, loaded with hit records solidified Davis’ legacy as a  great eye for female powerhouse talents like Janis Joplin, Phylis Hyman, and Whitney’s Auntie Re Re, (we mortals would call her The Queen of Soul) With Whitney Houston more than most contemporary artists the technique and polish of her vocals turned great songs into modern day classic standard, after modern day classic standard. No one could sing a song like Whitney Houston.  She is the bar, bar none.  All anyone would have to do is Wiki her and go to her Vevo channel to see for themselves. Whitney who was too proud to use Auto Tune and sing over recorded vocals during performances in later career, and the press never seemed to let Whitney live it down. She came from a different era of authenticity. She always wanted to come from an authentic place and connect with her audience, so even when Whitney shouldn’t have sang, she sang. But to remember Whitney Houston in that way is like remembering Michael Jordan as a Washington Wizard. Is Elvis not the King of Rock n Roll?  Whitney just has a 20 plus year career of creating pop and American music history while being the definition by every future and current diva is measured to, while never portraying the image of sexpot to do so.

 

No one is perfect, and no one understands what motivates another to do what they do. We can’t even understand our own actions at times.  Also to whom much is given, much is tested. No one can imagine Whitney’s tests, I am just thankful that I was around to witness her gifts. There are so many lessons we could learn from Whitney’s life. I think above all things she’d wish for us to LOVE- ourselves.  She’d tell us to cherish that which makes us who we individually are. When I’m at moments of confusion in my life, after praying and thinking, I will think about Whitney Houston, and what my Fairy Godmother would think is best. My tribute to her will not just be support of her music, it will appear in the decisions that lead the direction of my life.  She will be my reminder despite being a giving person, being a talented person, being a beautiful person, never to lose myself in any of those things. Whitney will remind me to hold on to myself before any of the attributes that make me who I am. She will remind me, in the end no matter how many people good or bad pop into our lives, we are on our own.  Whitney Elizabeth Houston will be with me to remind me of personal greatness, and a personal commitment to always show love, especially to myself.

 

 

 

 

The Great Big Skinny Tweet….

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The Twitter world and the bloggers had a Rihanna smorgasbord as the notorious “starvation” tweet made its way around the internets. The roasting of Rihanna’s need to “starve” in order to look great for a photo shoot seemed to say that the singer was telling little girls that “starving” was the “RockStar” thing to do. Is Rihanna’s tweet a ringing endorsement of #teamanorexic or does it speak to the public’s unwavering desire for women to look a certain way to be considered hot or beautiful? Are the same people criticizing Rihanna for starving the same people that covet Coke bottle bodies and slim waistlines?

As a size 8, personally I have been called thick, overweight, and received words and looks of shock over my appearance. As if I didn’t know the size 4’s and 6’s were fitting snuggerly, friends, family, and random acquaintances have given me staunch reminders of my slimmer summers. Flames have reiterated to me all the sexual positions I could get thrown into, IF I was a just a little bit lighter. The glances in the mirror at the curves that songs like “Bootylicious” by Destiny’s Child had taught me to love were being replaced by fat grabbing examinations on my belly and thighs as I began to think, “maybe this jelly is a bit too bootylicious?”  A former vegan, and a current vegetarian, I swiftly removed all dairy from diet, and then fasted for about 20 days eating less than 500 calories per day and drinking gallons of water. After dropping 4 inches or so, I began to feel and think thin again, until I ran into a friend who couldn’t wait to tell me I was unrecognizable almost because I was so thick.

Yeah.. I made a face like this...

Some women have more pressure on them to be thin than Obama has to be diplomatic with Republicans and simultaneously please the left. We are supposed to love and embrace ourselves no matter what size we are, as the whole world makes you feel like Free Willy gasping for breath on washed up on the shore for putting on a few el bees. I wondered as I read all the tweets roasting Rihanna’s choice of words on the Twitta, how many of them had called a girl fat, or thick that day. I thought about all the girls that felt a kinship with Rihanna because of her honesty about the expectations that were upon her. I looked at pictures of Beyonce alongside comments about her cottage cheese belly and watched videos of Brtney Spears’ Femme Fatale tour with posters pointing out how fat Britney’s size 6 was. Knowing that sex symbols of the past Marilyn Monroe and Dorothy Dandridge floated between a size 10 and a 14, its unnerving knowing they would be modern day fat fodder like Kirstie Alley if this was their hey day.

Health and wellness should be a forefront in all of our minds, but life, stress, and age can change a woman’s metabolism. We all aspire to fit that ONE pair of jeans, rock the photoshoot out, and look in the mirror and feel good about what reflects back to us. Diet and exercise are essential, but a demanding or fast paced lifestyle often dictates our choice more than our knowledge does. But the nitpicking that tons of women endure often forces them to starve, and binge, and binge, and starve. Even as icon Janet Jackson sang about “Control” back in the 80’s she wrestled with her inner fat ass. In search of perfection, our bodies take our abuse, and our minds filter the critiques and our soul  endures. Rihanna simply tweeted what women all over the country do every single day in order to be the image their peers expect them to be. As convoluted as it is, their is much badassery in Rihanna telling the truth about what it feels like for a girl.  To all the Mrs. She’s Too Big, Now She’s Too Thins across the world the only person’s opinion that matters is YOURS.

Are You And Keri Hilson Trying Waaay Too Hard To Be Sexy?

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In order to overt the world from Rihanna’s cakes, Keri Hilson goes in snatch first on her new single “The Way You Love Me”. Reeking of laughable desperation, Miss Keri Baby licks doors and dry humps floors, gives The Chef Rick Ross a lapdance, as well as sings lyrics like “I got the kinda pussy that will keep you off the streets” in an  attempt to ooze womanly seduction. Perhaps she thought she was grabbing her sexuality by its reigns and whooping us into submission, but Keri really just looks kinda pathetic.

Less is more. It’s natural to want to highlight the come hither features we are blessed to possess. An all out flesh fest for every Tom, Dick, and Rick Ross makes you come across easier than the Soul Train Scramble Board. Wild and looseyness will definitely attract the boys eyes, but along with all the “good” attention received unwanted sexual advances will plague you like bad credit. Also, no one takes anybody this sleazy seriously. So blinded by trying to be an individual and wanting to be seen as unique, many GROWN women have resorted to heaux tactics just to be noticed amongst the plethora of beauties in the world. Drunk off pussy power, these women have begun to think raw sexuality defines who they are as a person. Firing off cum shots as a personal attribute misfires because instead of owning your sexuality, sexuality begins to own you. What you think comes across as an insatiable appetite appears to be a primal Amazonic neediness that onlookers will fantasize about hitting, then unceremoniously quitting. What good is it to be a fantasy when the fantasy only runs deep as the last stroke? Most guys don’t even view these girls as breakfast the morning after material. Balancing sensuality is difficult for women because most are unaware of the natural voodoo that is in our clutches already. It is highly unnecessary unless your occupation is in porn or exotic dance to give too much in order to be seen as a young Venus. The brew of aesthetics, the way we dress and walk, as well as talk for us lucky girls already cooks up a dish of hot to trot. Personality, drive, and class in a woman added to the mix is what truly makes a woman sexy and attractive.

We don’t have to look at Keri Hilson as the only breaker of this lady law. A quick cruise on Facebook will show pics that would make Lil Kim cringe. Josephine Baker is somewhere in Heaven peeling a banana from her skirt, scratching her head in dismay wondering why we never really got it. Sensuality is a venomous, peculiar art that is so deadly it can even kill she who possesses it. If you are not a heaux, why wear a heaux’s uniform? No one is saying be a nun, but really Keri you don’t have to try this hard.

Fantasia: Affairs, Suicide Attempts, Abortions, & The Culture Of Sharing

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So Fantasia, a rags to riches pop star, has decided to come clean about some pretty “dirty” things. After a summer of cringe worthy admissions to a dalliance with a married NFL player, (whose wife decided to sue her for adultery) and a hospitalization for a suicide attempt, Fantasia comes back for more disclosing her rewards card at Planned Parenthood also got punched during her time of Kurt Cobainity. Already a serial talk show couch sitter, and reality tv star who in her short career has acted in her own biographical Lifetime movie, Fantasia is the anti Beyonce who can’t seem to tell us enough about her private life.  We know Fantasia was an illiterate drop out, a rape victim, and lived in poverty until she struck it rich and moved on up Beverly Hillbilly style with her country klan. But do we know too much about Fantasia? And are her bombshell confessions just a ploy to push her super stardom even further into the stratosphere? Or maybe this is ‘Tasia Mae’s way of saying she is just like us….??

Twitter and Facebook, even the monolithic Myspace and Blackplanet got our culture reallly comfortable shooting off our most random thoughts and even secrets. In our strive to stand out, a greater need to relate and be of the people has been fostered. Most of us feel bonded to others by our experiences and we look for insight and comfort in the arms of the ones who’ve been through similar ordeals as us. There is something cathartic about a good ol’ fashioned public confession. Is it the way we cleanse and punish ourselves simultaneously? Perhaps we are publicly shaming ourselves not to necessarily share our experiences but to embarrass ourselves before other people can do it. Fantasia’s concessions of spending most her live living in a Precious Paradise, as well as taking the notoriously head hung low role of Ciely in The Color Purple, can’t help but propel the shame spiral Fantasia seems to be obsessed with. We’ve seen our culture switch quickly from being hush hush about molestation to thousands of men admitting their childhood rapings because of Tyler Perry’s trip to the Oprah Show. In the midst of saving lives and raising awareness, the innocent are revictimized again reliving horrific incidents they’ve blocked out- comforted in the fact they are not alone.

So what’s Fantasia’s motivation? Only she knows, but her story isn’t too unfamiliar as detractors shake their head in disbelief and her fans push her to remember that they love to talk about her voice too. Reality isn’t reality when we chose to focus on the worst of our lives, it becomes a drawn out Tyler Perry movie. Finding someone close to you that you genuinely relate to is a daunting task, so its understandable why we cast our nets out in cyberspace hoping to hook a friend. Maybe Fantasia wants more fan mail, maybe she wants to be a champion of adversity, maybe she wants to sell records. I’m sure she will sit down with someone and let us know where she’s at.

Beyonce & Tina Knowles Hit The View

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Beyonce discusses her general bad assery in all things and her mama Tina’s new line Ms Tina hitting the hangers in Wal Marts all over the United States on The View. Bey also dishes on her curves, being a chick who doesn’t cook or clean, but dresses her ass off and her walk being mean and wearing FOUR PAIRS OF PANTY HOSE to hold everything in on stage. #mentalnote

Never Too Fine: You TOO Can Get Replaced

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If you are in a marriage or even a relationship, the chances of its failure are almost as sure as an Alaskan deer shootin’, abstinence in school preaching with pregnant teens at home hillbilly fame whore’s chances of winning the presidency of the United States (#pause).  Eva Longoria, (on the heels of Courtney Cox) is the latest celeb wife to find her husband’s fidelity is as false as the hair on her pretty little head. Message boards lit up with comments on how a man could ever cheat on a woman so beautiful, citing Janet Jackson and Halle Berry as fine stepped out on chicas with dufus dudes. The often too forgotten fact here is that beauty is only skin deep. Not to ever blame a woman for her husband’s double dipping, her looks only can’t be the honey that compels her mate to stick by her side.

Beautiful women come a dime a dozen. Short ones, tall ones, thick ones, and thin ones, in complexions of all colors with as many flavors as Baskin Robbins. The over emphasis on a female’s aesthetic appearance reinforces a faulty sense of security in relationships. Your beauty is often your mates ego boost, so choosing partners with shallowish tendencies can push you off the deep end in more ways than one. Men hate the length of time it takes to procure gorgeousness, as well as sneer at the prices it costs to maintain it. The scarves, rollers, tshirts and jogging pants night time garb makes your guy want to toss his cookies more than toss your salad. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The most naive thing to think is that perpetrators  who dabble in affairs of the heart, body, and mind correlates with the physical attributes of their boos. Affairs and cheating are based on a lack of emotional understanding, intimacy, and/or trust in the solidarity of a relationship. Any cheater is acting out “is she really the one” when they choose to stick their straws in a foreign juice box. Cheating isn’t your relationship’s death sentence, but it surely reveals your bond needs urgent care. The bottom line is a truly devoted person would rather leave an orgy with Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, and Meagan Good with a hard on to come home to you. Affairs aren’t always about sex, and cheaters often release their frustrations and bottled up resentment towards their women on a random or steady bust down. More or less, cheating is an expression of being unfullfilled, and unsure about a current relationship (or oneself), even if your mate doesn’t want to throw deuces to your union. To simply think because the mirror reflects a goddess doesn’t mean that your relationship is incapable of failing. Relationships, like anything else worth having require work, growth, and attention. Slipping on any of those points might have you hawking the diamond you once showed off to your single friends, some of whom can’t wait to slurp up sloppy seconds. Please do yourself a favor and be discerning on who you chose to dish deets about your boo to. Don’t be foolish enough to think your guy doesn’t sense the unquenchable thirst of these broads today. Even women in seemingly happy relationships are taking what they can get on the side. Remember, a lot of  people’s allegiance is to their animal instincts, not your wittle feelings.

If you are one of the millions that gets cheated on, it isn’t your fault. Don’t waste your time comparing your looks to your mate’s squeeze. Physical appearance is a moot point when there are much bigger issues in the relationship and with yourself to handle. Of course its comforting to rank your looks higher than the lurid other woman’s, but does it really matter if she’s smashing your man too? Discover, celebrate, and revere other beautiful things about yourself other than infallible dime-pieceness, because pretty faces are all around us. If your value in a relationship is based on being eye candy, prepare to get eaten up in a world full of hungry eyes.