Tag Archives: advice

Nothing Can Come Between Us- The Affection of a Capricorn

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….A Capricorn woman neither falls in love at first sight, nor wastes time on mindless flirtations. Love is serious stuff and should not to be trifled with. She believes in love, but she will have no truck with fate. Ever convinced of her own abilities, she takes matters of the heart into her own hands, though it may be awhile before she makes her move. Observant and discriminating, she spends some time to get to know her partner, and will usually allow herself to fall in love completely when all the outcomes have been considered. Sometimes, however, she is taken off guard, and emotions overcome her…

Capricorn Woman in Love – Cafe Astrology

I learned love from the earthy, pragmatic spirit of Capricorn women. Their aura of coolness often coupled with their blunt, carefully crafted persona of mystery and strength was always in direct opposite of my fiery, emotions on my sleeve Leo attitude. A Capricorn woman could be miserable, lonely, lost and U.O.E.N.O!! A Capricorn woman would never put her vulnerability or shortcomings out for the world to pick at like left over Chinese food, or would she? Although each woman is unique our experiences are shared and sometimes the only person who gets you is somebody who you’ve never spoken to and wouldn’t know you from a can of paint. Enter Helen Folasade Adu. The woman who gets me more than anyone else.

Reeling from a breakup that tugs at the pit of my soul, or being so lost in love that I’d never want to find my way out, there always was the music of Sade setting the backdrop for my desires, my weaknesses, and my fears. No one could tell the story of what it was like to be alone in the world wondering why yet carrying on, being wounded yet still alive like she has. Sade sings the songs of the broken spirited with so much enchantment that hollow souls somehow warm with smoldering presence even if they never see the spark of the flame. Perhaps the alchemy of the Capricorn woman, even Sade’s love songs have an air of the melancholy. She could give you the “Kiss of Life” and leave you longing forever.

The lyrics of her songs sometimes don’t rhyme. Sade’s words sound as if she’s in the studio with her diary flipping back and forth through finding the most raw of her feelings to bellow out for the world. Her band Sweetback melts their bass heavy percussion into each song and somehow always reminded me of a heartbeat. The moments in my life where love has almost stopped my heart from beating, Sade was my defribulator. When life sucked the air out of my lungs, Sade breathed for me. When the great loves of my life shut the door in my face, Sade was in the hallway with the Kleenex. Sade showed me there was always strength there- even when she and I seemed hopeless. Despite the quest that life and love took me on, the Capricorn woman taught me to be authentic to my soul.

Happy Birthday to my mother, my best friend, and the fabulous, airy, hopeless romantic Sade!! So opposite of me in so many ways these three women know my soul as if it’s my reflection they see in the mirror. I only hope to learn to apply grace in my vulnerability like they have.

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The Anatomy of An Affair..

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Right there below physical abuse, the most heinous betrayal in an intimate relationship is infidelity. Finding out your partner is looser than the nickel slots at Hollywood Casino is shocking, numbing, and all consuming. The lies, twists of truth, and deception by omission can make life feel the biggest falsest show on earth. The elaborate ruse that cheating makes a person’s life somehow bends reality to no end. When someone decides the attention and affection they require is worth more to them than honesty or monogamy they have ultimately made the choice for their mate by their actions. The cheater who wants you back is saying “I love you, but I love me more. I have shown you you can’t trust me, but forget all that and worry about making me happy some more.” The key word for a cheater is more, as they are attention addicts who will always try their luck if the opportunity arises.

It’s not me, it’s you!!!

This cheater doesn’t understand or want to understand your feelings because it shifts the focus from them onto you. Surely, this cheater upon discovery will cry, and even become more angry than you are. There is only so much repentance this type of person has because their ego has already justified that their action was warranted or not that big of a deal. Guilt is an emotion for the weak, and this person will never admit more than you already know, and wouldn’t have volunteered info if you didn’t already know. Just like Kujo the guard dog, this person wants to followed blindly and will bite from time to time. They get agitated when asked to explain themselves because this is a delicate time for them emotionally and you keep fucking stressing them out!! The issue shifts from their infidelity to your inability to be openminded and your determination to hurt them. Voila, magic. That is truly some David Blaine shit.

Freakum Dress Out The Closet…??

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The basic bitch easiest thing to do is plow yourself with alcohol, head to the bar and find some other hurting soul to act out your fantasies of paying back your cheater. Bringing someone else into this messy situation is not okay just because you are hurting. Putting yourself out there for revenge will not change the fact your mate was unfaithful. There’s no country for thirsty women and this act of defiance ends up being rather pathetic. Instead of playing Beyonce’s fab album getting dressed to go out why not let it be the soundtrack on the treadmill ? Why not be inspired by Beyonce’s art to create art of your own? Ladies our desires are more than romantic and sexual. Channeling cheated on angst in a constructive manner will be better in the long run. Desperado, why won’t you come to your senses!?

But my family will miss you if you don’t….

Cheater’s mamas like EVERYBODY, FYI. The families of cheaters have been used to the parade of penis/pussy in and out their lives since the cheater’s high school days. They won’t shed any tears over you, and will shake the hand of the next one, the last one, and all the ones in between, all on the same day, almost at the same damn time. Please don’t think because this lady cooked a meal for you while you were at her house or gave you a little trinket that she has some emotional tie to you. It’s all part of the game!! You didn’t really think that you were part of the family did you?

Relationships are never easy, as good things rarely come easy. Waking up knowing your life is a lie and finding out your mate is pulling the strings is hurtful and scary. Remembering the only person’s actions you can control are your own is the only sane way to deal with the pain of infidelity. The assault on your femininity, your trust, and your worthiness as a mate can’t come from within. The cheater’s shortcomings don’t dictate who you are ever. If the pain isn’t used as fuel to make yourself better you are being just as toxic to yourself as the cheater is. Now please excuse me as I run on the treadmill to Jealous by Beyonce, prepare a bubble bath, chill this presecco, and get on with my life.

Catching The One Who Got Away….

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There is always that ONE. The one we tend to see unexpectedly in our dreams, who leaps over into our thoughts, and inspires us to gaze at the pretty portrait of a memory in the gallery of our minds until a “mess” becomes a Monet. In time, wine, and new new (you KNOW what “new new” is!!) the poignant picture our past boos painted in our heads dulls and living takes over. Life’s routines and experiences replace the longing for the proverbial old flame. But true to The Notebook, Letters To Juliet, and Friday the 13th  fashion that old thing comes back. Words of wISdumb like “if you love something let it go, and if it’s yours it’ll come back to you” dance around in your head like Swayze did Baby!!

What fairy tale indoctrinated, Prince Charming chasing, love starved, horoscope reading, star crossed, past reconcilin’ woman in her right mind would say no to that? NOT ONE. But that is precisely the problem.

We all live in the now, and not in our past. However each moment we have lived has led us to where we are in the present. The present moment dictates our future. Not one of these three things are independent of each other as the past fuels the choices we make in our present, as the  present  becomes the past. The past and the present SHOULD build off each other, since inevitably they do anyway. The future itself is inevitably going to become the past as well. Nothing can ever be undone from the past. No amount of compensation could ever undo painful or incomplete experiences from the past. It cannot be ressurected. The past is etched, yet the story of the future is unwritten.  Why junk up the book of your life with someone who thought they could do better than you, let you go and since deciding they are so fucked up and down on their luck NOW the ONE person who would take pity on their sorry ass is YOU? Is this really a romantic scenario? Is scrubbing up some jerk who shows up like an abused puppy

help please!!

on your doorstep pleading for mercy, forgiveness, and understanding (AND pussy) truly destiny? Isn’t Prince Charming supposed to be strong, considerate to no end, and confident on a white horse- not this beggin’ broken boy instead *adelevoice*?? Why does the old flame come back always needing and never giving?  Raise your hand if your old flame came back after they went away, gained knowledge about the world to share with you, got rich, worked so hard until they could sweep you off your feet just to retire with you to a bungalow in Barbados but first they have to give you this five carat ring to show how much they’ve changed ? More than likely the old flame returns after being spurned by a woman who obviously has more damn sense than your sucker for love ass. Clap for your pride, self esteem and good sense, it has left the building.

Who Should You Shoot Down?

Truth is the satisfaction of seeing the crook that stole your heart come before the parole board of your judgment squirming for your favor should be enough. How can any self respecting woman choose a “future” with someone who has previously exhibited such serious choice issues? Rejection is often the Universe’s way of protecting you from yourself. The one who got away LEFT. HELLO!? The one who got away told you no over and over as you cried and begged please have a heart, but now your heart has to open up like Houston for Hurricane Katrina victims for them? NO FEMA!!  Changing over time is a personal choice, and a person whose earned reputation precedes them should be looked at with a scrutinizing eye, not one of compassion. Being willing to be a halfway house for smooth criminals as they transition back into their old swagger could get you shot right in your soul, again.

Lot’s Wife turned to salt for trying to encase a memory of her past into her present and future. There is no need to look back on disaster when an unwritten future is ahead. Your experiences are for teaching, not for repeating, NOT FOR REPEATING, NOT FOR REPEATING. If you learned anything, you would have learned all the time, love, attention, and affection you gave that old flame who burned you would have best served to save yourself. But you didn’t learn did you….??

Besides…

The Great Big Skinny Tweet….

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The Twitter world and the bloggers had a Rihanna smorgasbord as the notorious “starvation” tweet made its way around the internets. The roasting of Rihanna’s need to “starve” in order to look great for a photo shoot seemed to say that the singer was telling little girls that “starving” was the “RockStar” thing to do. Is Rihanna’s tweet a ringing endorsement of #teamanorexic or does it speak to the public’s unwavering desire for women to look a certain way to be considered hot or beautiful? Are the same people criticizing Rihanna for starving the same people that covet Coke bottle bodies and slim waistlines?

As a size 8, personally I have been called thick, overweight, and received words and looks of shock over my appearance. As if I didn’t know the size 4’s and 6’s were fitting snuggerly, friends, family, and random acquaintances have given me staunch reminders of my slimmer summers. Flames have reiterated to me all the sexual positions I could get thrown into, IF I was a just a little bit lighter. The glances in the mirror at the curves that songs like “Bootylicious” by Destiny’s Child had taught me to love were being replaced by fat grabbing examinations on my belly and thighs as I began to think, “maybe this jelly is a bit too bootylicious?”  A former vegan, and a current vegetarian, I swiftly removed all dairy from diet, and then fasted for about 20 days eating less than 500 calories per day and drinking gallons of water. After dropping 4 inches or so, I began to feel and think thin again, until I ran into a friend who couldn’t wait to tell me I was unrecognizable almost because I was so thick.

Yeah.. I made a face like this...

Some women have more pressure on them to be thin than Obama has to be diplomatic with Republicans and simultaneously please the left. We are supposed to love and embrace ourselves no matter what size we are, as the whole world makes you feel like Free Willy gasping for breath on washed up on the shore for putting on a few el bees. I wondered as I read all the tweets roasting Rihanna’s choice of words on the Twitta, how many of them had called a girl fat, or thick that day. I thought about all the girls that felt a kinship with Rihanna because of her honesty about the expectations that were upon her. I looked at pictures of Beyonce alongside comments about her cottage cheese belly and watched videos of Brtney Spears’ Femme Fatale tour with posters pointing out how fat Britney’s size 6 was. Knowing that sex symbols of the past Marilyn Monroe and Dorothy Dandridge floated between a size 10 and a 14, its unnerving knowing they would be modern day fat fodder like Kirstie Alley if this was their hey day.

Health and wellness should be a forefront in all of our minds, but life, stress, and age can change a woman’s metabolism. We all aspire to fit that ONE pair of jeans, rock the photoshoot out, and look in the mirror and feel good about what reflects back to us. Diet and exercise are essential, but a demanding or fast paced lifestyle often dictates our choice more than our knowledge does. But the nitpicking that tons of women endure often forces them to starve, and binge, and binge, and starve. Even as icon Janet Jackson sang about “Control” back in the 80’s she wrestled with her inner fat ass. In search of perfection, our bodies take our abuse, and our minds filter the critiques and our soul  endures. Rihanna simply tweeted what women all over the country do every single day in order to be the image their peers expect them to be. As convoluted as it is, their is much badassery in Rihanna telling the truth about what it feels like for a girl.  To all the Mrs. She’s Too Big, Now She’s Too Thins across the world the only person’s opinion that matters is YOURS.

Are You And Keri Hilson Trying Waaay Too Hard To Be Sexy?

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In order to overt the world from Rihanna’s cakes, Keri Hilson goes in snatch first on her new single “The Way You Love Me”. Reeking of laughable desperation, Miss Keri Baby licks doors and dry humps floors, gives The Chef Rick Ross a lapdance, as well as sings lyrics like “I got the kinda pussy that will keep you off the streets” in an  attempt to ooze womanly seduction. Perhaps she thought she was grabbing her sexuality by its reigns and whooping us into submission, but Keri really just looks kinda pathetic.

Less is more. It’s natural to want to highlight the come hither features we are blessed to possess. An all out flesh fest for every Tom, Dick, and Rick Ross makes you come across easier than the Soul Train Scramble Board. Wild and looseyness will definitely attract the boys eyes, but along with all the “good” attention received unwanted sexual advances will plague you like bad credit. Also, no one takes anybody this sleazy seriously. So blinded by trying to be an individual and wanting to be seen as unique, many GROWN women have resorted to heaux tactics just to be noticed amongst the plethora of beauties in the world. Drunk off pussy power, these women have begun to think raw sexuality defines who they are as a person. Firing off cum shots as a personal attribute misfires because instead of owning your sexuality, sexuality begins to own you. What you think comes across as an insatiable appetite appears to be a primal Amazonic neediness that onlookers will fantasize about hitting, then unceremoniously quitting. What good is it to be a fantasy when the fantasy only runs deep as the last stroke? Most guys don’t even view these girls as breakfast the morning after material. Balancing sensuality is difficult for women because most are unaware of the natural voodoo that is in our clutches already. It is highly unnecessary unless your occupation is in porn or exotic dance to give too much in order to be seen as a young Venus. The brew of aesthetics, the way we dress and walk, as well as talk for us lucky girls already cooks up a dish of hot to trot. Personality, drive, and class in a woman added to the mix is what truly makes a woman sexy and attractive.

We don’t have to look at Keri Hilson as the only breaker of this lady law. A quick cruise on Facebook will show pics that would make Lil Kim cringe. Josephine Baker is somewhere in Heaven peeling a banana from her skirt, scratching her head in dismay wondering why we never really got it. Sensuality is a venomous, peculiar art that is so deadly it can even kill she who possesses it. If you are not a heaux, why wear a heaux’s uniform? No one is saying be a nun, but really Keri you don’t have to try this hard.

Beyonce & Tina Knowles Hit The View

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Beyonce discusses her general bad assery in all things and her mama Tina’s new line Ms Tina hitting the hangers in Wal Marts all over the United States on The View. Bey also dishes on her curves, being a chick who doesn’t cook or clean, but dresses her ass off and her walk being mean and wearing FOUR PAIRS OF PANTY HOSE to hold everything in on stage. #mentalnote

Never Too Fine: You TOO Can Get Replaced

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If you are in a marriage or even a relationship, the chances of its failure are almost as sure as an Alaskan deer shootin’, abstinence in school preaching with pregnant teens at home hillbilly fame whore’s chances of winning the presidency of the United States (#pause).  Eva Longoria, (on the heels of Courtney Cox) is the latest celeb wife to find her husband’s fidelity is as false as the hair on her pretty little head. Message boards lit up with comments on how a man could ever cheat on a woman so beautiful, citing Janet Jackson and Halle Berry as fine stepped out on chicas with dufus dudes. The often too forgotten fact here is that beauty is only skin deep. Not to ever blame a woman for her husband’s double dipping, her looks only can’t be the honey that compels her mate to stick by her side.

Beautiful women come a dime a dozen. Short ones, tall ones, thick ones, and thin ones, in complexions of all colors with as many flavors as Baskin Robbins. The over emphasis on a female’s aesthetic appearance reinforces a faulty sense of security in relationships. Your beauty is often your mates ego boost, so choosing partners with shallowish tendencies can push you off the deep end in more ways than one. Men hate the length of time it takes to procure gorgeousness, as well as sneer at the prices it costs to maintain it. The scarves, rollers, tshirts and jogging pants night time garb makes your guy want to toss his cookies more than toss your salad. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The most naive thing to think is that perpetrators  who dabble in affairs of the heart, body, and mind correlates with the physical attributes of their boos. Affairs and cheating are based on a lack of emotional understanding, intimacy, and/or trust in the solidarity of a relationship. Any cheater is acting out “is she really the one” when they choose to stick their straws in a foreign juice box. Cheating isn’t your relationship’s death sentence, but it surely reveals your bond needs urgent care. The bottom line is a truly devoted person would rather leave an orgy with Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, and Meagan Good with a hard on to come home to you. Affairs aren’t always about sex, and cheaters often release their frustrations and bottled up resentment towards their women on a random or steady bust down. More or less, cheating is an expression of being unfullfilled, and unsure about a current relationship (or oneself), even if your mate doesn’t want to throw deuces to your union. To simply think because the mirror reflects a goddess doesn’t mean that your relationship is incapable of failing. Relationships, like anything else worth having require work, growth, and attention. Slipping on any of those points might have you hawking the diamond you once showed off to your single friends, some of whom can’t wait to slurp up sloppy seconds. Please do yourself a favor and be discerning on who you chose to dish deets about your boo to. Don’t be foolish enough to think your guy doesn’t sense the unquenchable thirst of these broads today. Even women in seemingly happy relationships are taking what they can get on the side. Remember, a lot of  people’s allegiance is to their animal instincts, not your wittle feelings.

If you are one of the millions that gets cheated on, it isn’t your fault. Don’t waste your time comparing your looks to your mate’s squeeze. Physical appearance is a moot point when there are much bigger issues in the relationship and with yourself to handle. Of course its comforting to rank your looks higher than the lurid other woman’s, but does it really matter if she’s smashing your man too? Discover, celebrate, and revere other beautiful things about yourself other than infallible dime-pieceness, because pretty faces are all around us. If your value in a relationship is based on being eye candy, prepare to get eaten up in a world full of hungry eyes.