Tag Archives: romance

The Anatomy of An Affair..

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Right there below physical abuse, the most heinous betrayal in an intimate relationship is infidelity. Finding out your partner is looser than the nickel slots at Hollywood Casino is shocking, numbing, and all consuming. The lies, twists of truth, and deception by omission can make life feel the biggest falsest show on earth. The elaborate ruse that cheating makes a person’s life somehow bends reality to no end. When someone decides the attention and affection they require is worth more to them than honesty or monogamy they have ultimately made the choice for their mate by their actions. The cheater who wants you back is saying “I love you, but I love me more. I have shown you you can’t trust me, but forget all that and worry about making me happy some more.” The key word for a cheater is more, as they are attention addicts who will always try their luck if the opportunity arises.

It’s not me, it’s you!!!

This cheater doesn’t understand or want to understand your feelings because it shifts the focus from them onto you. Surely, this cheater upon discovery will cry, and even become more angry than you are. There is only so much repentance this type of person has because their ego has already justified that their action was warranted or not that big of a deal. Guilt is an emotion for the weak, and this person will never admit more than you already know, and wouldn’t have volunteered info if you didn’t already know. Just like Kujo the guard dog, this person wants to followed blindly and will bite from time to time. They get agitated when asked to explain themselves because this is a delicate time for them emotionally and you keep fucking stressing them out!! The issue shifts from their infidelity to your inability to be openminded and your determination to hurt them. Voila, magic. That is truly some David Blaine shit.

Freakum Dress Out The Closet…??

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The basic bitch easiest thing to do is plow yourself with alcohol, head to the bar and find some other hurting soul to act out your fantasies of paying back your cheater. Bringing someone else into this messy situation is not okay just because you are hurting. Putting yourself out there for revenge will not change the fact your mate was unfaithful. There’s no country for thirsty women and this act of defiance ends up being rather pathetic. Instead of playing Beyonce’s fab album getting dressed to go out why not let it be the soundtrack on the treadmill ? Why not be inspired by Beyonce’s art to create art of your own? Ladies our desires are more than romantic and sexual. Channeling cheated on angst in a constructive manner will be better in the long run. Desperado, why won’t you come to your senses!?

But my family will miss you if you don’t….

Cheater’s mamas like EVERYBODY, FYI. The families of cheaters have been used to the parade of penis/pussy in and out their lives since the cheater’s high school days. They won’t shed any tears over you, and will shake the hand of the next one, the last one, and all the ones in between, all on the same day, almost at the same damn time. Please don’t think because this lady cooked a meal for you while you were at her house or gave you a little trinket that she has some emotional tie to you. It’s all part of the game!! You didn’t really think that you were part of the family did you?

Relationships are never easy, as good things rarely come easy. Waking up knowing your life is a lie and finding out your mate is pulling the strings is hurtful and scary. Remembering the only person’s actions you can control are your own is the only sane way to deal with the pain of infidelity. The assault on your femininity, your trust, and your worthiness as a mate can’t come from within. The cheater’s shortcomings don’t dictate who you are ever. If the pain isn’t used as fuel to make yourself better you are being just as toxic to yourself as the cheater is. Now please excuse me as I run on the treadmill to Jealous by Beyonce, prepare a bubble bath, chill this presecco, and get on with my life.

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Dear Summer: They Reminisce Over You

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Truthfully You Gave Me The Time Of My Life,

The Muse Of What I Write,

Rhythm To Move Me Left + Right,

We Never Said Not Tonight,

Our Vibe Too Strong Not To Subscribe,

Plus The Source Of The Essence

Of Your Presence Can’t Be Denied,

It Was A Blessing,

This Double X L Connection,

You Made Indiscretions

But We Moved In The Same Direction,

I Became Your Explanation

For A Thought That Was A Question

Mark My Words-

You Can Never Plan For What Is Destined,

So I’ll Keep These Memories Of A Time,

Trees, Moscato Wine + Jamiroquai,

Magic Shared Between You + I,

Under The Night Sky- Into The Daylight

Now You’ve Disappeared In Plain Sight…

At Your Best — In Memory of Aaliyah

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The world will pause and a reflect, even for just a second to reminisce on Aaliyah Dana Haughton, the R&B songstress who was taken from us nine years ago today. Aaliyah, whose smooth grooves captivated and inspired us is always remembered as a graceful and humble woman, was on the cusp of becoming a break out star when tragedy struck on the shoot of the visually moving Rock The Boat video. We celebrate her memory and the impact she made in her short time on this Earth and in her memory contemplate the importance of our own legacies that we pass on to the next generation of young girls.

When her first hit single Back and Forth dropped in 1994, it shot up the charts and led her Age Ain’t Nothin But a Number album to multi platinum status. At 14, Aaliyah was praised for her Sade like yearning and soul far beyond her years. Her voice dripped with an aching, melodic echo that was a perfect blend with R. Kelly production. Part of Aaliyah’s mystic was her apparent enigmatic demeanor and cool unforced sensuality. Amid rumors of liaisons and a marriage with accused pedophile R. Kelly, Aaliyah’s approval with the public never really took a hit as she switched up to the futuristic pop funk team of Timbaland and Missy Elliott to produce her follow-up album One in A Million, which sold eight million records worldwide. On this album, Aaliyah mesmorized her audience showing off clean and polished dance routines in her videos and a cool confidence that would no longer be confused with being shy. Solidifying her as a formidable star and establishing Timbaland as a bona fide hit maker, Aaliyah parlayed her rapport with the public into movie roles and ad campaigns with Tommy Hilfiger. Before her untimely death, Aaliyah was already the sweetheart of R&B music.

Despite enduring a drama with R. Kelly that could have been a career killer, Aaliyah stayed in tune with her calling. Choosing not to bow to the depths of the gossip and speculation around her, Aaliyah proved that talent, ingenuity, and resolve would reign over smack talk. Her humble, angelic disposition left a resounding imprint on her fans, even as artists to come failed to duplicate this from Aaliyah’s arsenal. Ciara may have copied from Aaliyah’s blueprint, but we all could learn a thing or two about how being your One In A Million self and dusting yourself off to Try Again can open up a world of possibility and opportunity. Her gracious and grateful spirit will reign forever, as we will never forget who Aaliyah was, and in her memory today and always be At Your Best.

I Miss You- Aaliyah featuring Jay Z

Aaliyah’s Last Interview FOUR DAYS before her death

This Industry Was More Like A Different World
When It Was Just Me, Monica, And Baby Girl, Aaliyah
I Never Got To Tell You How Much You Mean
I Wish You and Me Both Were Sittin’ Here Working With Tim
Just To Be In The Presence Of The People That You Affected
At the Personal Level Just Makes Me Stop For A Second
[Breath]
You Were Such A Blessing
You Helped Me Answer All My Questions

Should I Go- Brandy-Brandy’s take on Aaliyah’s impact on her life.

Get Off On Your Own Joe!!! Divorce of a Dynasty

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Elin Nordegren isn’t the only wife putting everything he owns in a box to the left. Joe Jackson, the profiteer patriarch of the Jackson family just got served by a weary, fed up Katherine Jackson. After years of cheating, allegations of mental and physical abuse Katherine, the guardian of the late great Michael Jackson’s children has finally had enough of her man’s indiscretions and shenanigans. The final nail in the coffin was Joe blaming Katherine for Michael’s death, as if beating Michael’s ass for years and traumatizing the family like the KKK spooking black people was just harmless hazing preparing the kids for a tough world. Sure, Joe. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Joe Jackson, a steel mill worker from Gary, Indiana always dreamed of having the good life. Back in the day believe it or not Joe was the hot ticket, a local singer that made all the girls scream. He seemed to resent the small country children he fathered with his young wife Katherine because he now had to work for a living instead of the play he had grown so accustomed to. Never one to pass up a good hustle, he became the manager of the tribe of young talented Jacksons while Katherine a known devout Jehovah’s Witness, raised her children and tried to be the best wife she could be. Katherine found out waay too late that a wild playboy like Joe has a lot of Miley in him and simply can’t be tamed. How many of Katherine’s friends begged her to walk away from this slickback trickster who only looked at her children and saw dollar signs and her as some push over that would always be there for him? After making a vow to love someone for life, when is enough enough and you have to say “my bad” to God and ask Him to take back the promise you’ve made before Him?

Women  hold out hope in their hearts that they can change their mates, as if they are God Himself. Change is something that comes from within even if it is inspired by someone else. Husbands like Joe who use others for their benefit, run the streets like single men, and totally ignore the vows of honor and respect that marriage entails don’t deserve leniency for their acts. Wives must learn to get past the pain of being in the relationship from hell and blaming themselves for the inevitable collapse of these snakebit unions. Women must arrive at these conclusions on their own usually at the expense of precious time as the days of their lives pass by. Ultimately they’ve given years to a man that treats love like Enron execs treated their employee’s 401k’s. Staying in a shitty marriage just for the kids sake although admirable is unfair to you and your children. If your kids don’t like like this guy, you might want to get Jacoby and Myers on the line pronto. The least you deserve is half!!

Kudos to Katherine for finally saying Beat It to Satan’s black brother Joe Jackson. Even if time isn’t on her side, even if she is alone, she deserves peace and serenity. Living with a domestic terrorist makes for uneasy days and nights as the unpredictable is always bound to happen with these jokers. Divorce is never happy, but somewhere in Heaven Michael Jackson is doing the moonwalk singing Ma Ma Sa, Ma Ma Coo Sa, proud of his mother for having the strength to walk away and knowing his children won’t be raised like he was. Now let’s hope VH-1 doesn’t hire Tionna Smalls and a camera crew to find her a new man.

Downgrading to Upgrade???

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In this brave new world, cash rules everything around us- not excluding dating. Throughout history women have been subjected to pre arranged marriages, being sold off as dowries, and even the oldest profession of prostitution as a way of living the good life and having male attention. Only in recent history women have been granted the freedom to choose her mate. Ironically many women have chosen to bank their future not on the premise of love but on money. Gold digging is no longer a sport for the groupies as every day ladies are cruising the streets looking for Mr. Big 401k. Some man with a big wallet isn’t always Prince Charming on a white horse, even if he can afford the carriage ride.

Men are the new women. In this day and age men are courted and pursued like the way women were in the not so distant past. The most sought after men are the not the ones with the biggest hearts, but the biggest income. Looks, intelligence, personality, and even compatibility are no match for a Daddy Warbucks. Rich guys even have sugar daddy websites further solidifying the power of his almighty dollar. The douchebaggery behavior that many of these Primo Don divos exhibit is overlooked and ignored as they flaunt their benjamins like food for women who seem to be as hungry as starving Africans for money attention and affection. Some of these guys even let their appearance fall off as no one cares how fat and unhealthy they are as long as the checks keep rollin’ in. Always the discriminator, these hefty high rollers wouldn’t dare date a woman as unfit or unattractive as they are. Many are just playboys trying girls out as women compete for them like they are training for the 2012 London Olympics. Jumping through the hoops of his heart may take years as the winner of the prize is often the one most willing to put up with unsavory bullshit. Even as the number of available men seem to decrease, the regular guys don’t stand a chance against ol’ money bags. What is it about these rich guys that seems to permit women to compromise on the most basic of their needs to chase the waterfalls of mansions and Mercedes Benzes?

The regular guy can’t win for losing. He falls back as the Miss Independent’s of the world pass him by in the races of prestigious positions at work only to be badmouthed and belittled by women that won’t date him because he isn’t rich. Rich losers are exalted and regular guys get lumped in with Federlines in the dating hierarchy. Around the way boys have become disillusioned with the bold rejections they receive at the manicured hands of women, demasculated because they aren’t taken seriously. Sure they may be a Mel Bushman, but they never see the respect and admiration they need that their rich counterparts bask in. Women talk, behave, and expect totally different things from the regs. At one hint of impropriety these guys are cut off with the quickness, while rich douches string women along until they’re done with them. Even if they share interests, jokes, and good times with the modern-day chica, these connections are dwarfed by the dollar. Unable to figure out what women really want, lots of these guys settle for nights out with the boys and strippers when they need the undivided attention of a female.

Life isn’t cheap. The cost of living grows higher and higher and the finer things in life seem more accessible than ever. Hypnotized by MTV Cribs and  The Real Housewives, we look at glamor as something to be magically bestowed upon us rather than earned. The financial advantages of the few as seen as the sole symbols of success and equated with happiness. As money plays a huge part in what we can experience in life, love and true companionship should be the anchor of every relationship, even if the relationship isn’t equipped with a yacht. To sacrifice who you are and what is authentic to you for financial gain is an unecessary toll in a cold world, especially when the best things in life are free.

All Men Are Dogs!!! So Date Women…!! The Plight of the Love Starved Fauxmosexual

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Few things are as clearly ambiguous as female sexuality. From Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl to the L Word, lesbianism has become the back seat driver on the road of lust in pop culture. Where girls were once hiding in closets, their loud and proud sexploits are in our faces like a great pair of double d’s. While homos are still fighting for the right to marry and equality under the law, the lure of lesbianism is recruiting new soldiers like the US Army. With the ratios of single and available men dissipating every year, more and more women are starting to look at their BFF’s in a more than friendly way. What could be a better deal than being with someone who knows what it’s like to have cramps every month and not to mention sharing accessories and orgasms with? A fellow Venus-ite understands what it’s like to be a woman more than a Martian could, and just wants to be loved just like you do. Another woman wouldn’t lie or cheat like a man does. Joining the ranks of the carpet munchers looks like a viable, easy option since no one wants to be alone, but is the carpet that much better than the hard wood?

Females seem to be pretty dramatic. Even as children, we acted out the soap opera which was Barbie’s life.  By the time college rolls around, girls and guys often pressure young women to have a slice of putang pie. Bi-curiousity is natural, but all curious thoughts are not necessary to explore. A full-blown lezzie isn’t typically interested in being a sexual lab rat for a wishy-washy maybe bi-girl. If she really likes you and you are just trying out fish in the sea, you could have a brand new crush to ward off.  Some lesbians are on vampire mode, looking for new blood to suck and transform into one of their own. They love the chase and the power of turning another girl out. How foolish could you look sleeping with a known lesbian predator just because you’ve become disillusioned with boys? Just like men view the vulnerable as conquests, so do these pussy seizing pirates. If you think you look crazy being the stalkerazzi of your boyfriend, imagine how you’ll feel stalking some elusive lesbian woman conqueror. Fights are just as intense if not more so and because  you are both girls the domestic violence stigmas have less sting. Ask around, many of lesbians have squared up toe to toe with their partners in pussy. Be prepared to argue to the edges of the earth because all women love to have the last word. The mental stress of being so familiar and so close can make for the most hurtful and embarrassing arguments of your life. Your homegirls may not be the best audience for the Ellen and Anne Heche Show. New found lesbianism could confuse your friends and family members opening up another can of worms or whoop ass. The PDA’s you shared with your former boy toys are now freak shows if anyone sees you smooching or hand holding with your lady lover. Stares, gasps, oohs and ahhs, ridicule, and everybody questioning you about your life isn’t so hard to get used to.

Deciding to cross over to the state of Vagina is not a decision that should be made just to spite a man, or because of loneliness. Neither should it be made because some lezzie thinks you’re hot. Sex produces chemical bonds and endorphins in our brains that tie us to one another, and all these soul ties should be considered before the actual acts. Fun isn’t just fun when your heart is in the hands of Rosie the Riveter. Once certain boundaries are crossed it is difficult to go back, so the tipping point must be fully examined on an individual basis before following through with residency at the cat house. After review, many of the girl smoochers are really just confused and looking for love in all the wrong places. Just because Prince Charming’s hairy knuckles aren’t yet rapping on your door, that doesn’t mean place the glass slipper on Cinderella’s foot.

Red or Blue Pill

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Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Can one man’s trash truly be another man’s treasure? Perspective is the mind of our souls. It shapes why and how we experience what we experience. It wears rosy colored contacts, or blindly rages at the rest of the world. A healthy perspective is a discipline that will be soul food in a world of moral starvation and self gratifying gluttony. Being able to take yourself outside yourself will allow the personal sting of the situations placed on our shoulders to simply become the unluck of the draw.

The pain of betrayal at the hands of BFFs, or the rebuff of eye candy, even professional pitfalls add up to an all too familiar feeling of why me again? Instead of questioning why me, we rarely wonder why not me? We move through life as if we are immune to hurt, negativity, and setbacks like all these things don’t make up a normal life. No amount of preparing, planning, and pondering will ever prevent confusing or uncomfortable things from happening to us. Women become afraid to love because someone hurt them before and cut themselves off from every man on the planet, yet refuse to look at themselves to make changes. Many of us only seek to place blame. Some of us embark on new ventures and ideas and at the hint of failure retreat back into the safe world of mediocrity by never doing anything ambitious again. When we begin to believe the world is undeserving of the best of us we only hurt ourselves. The pain of self limitation and regrets makes life a disaster waiting to happen instead of a joy meant to experience. Pain is love. Pain is meant to teach the lesson of appreciation and growth. Setbacks are set ups for bigger and better things. Disappointment is not some isolating, personal pain but the honest universal truth that every human being experiences. Internalizing and over analyzing mistakes as personal ass whoopings from God and turning your back on all mankind is the cowards way out of experiencing life. Perspective will change the tune of any negative situation. A sharp perspective is the light in the dark. Perspective is seeing the yin and the yang in all of life.

Understand, perspective is a choice. It’s not some magical understanding received after successful relationships or career moves. A sharp perspective is a constant and steady flow of energy that recognizes negativity is part of the game. Muddling in despair, confusion, and isolation is the refusal of allowing perspective in. Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people. The pieces that life’s puzzle leaves us to put together is of our own creation. Moving from point A to get to point B isn’t impossible over a burned bridge, it takes powerful, mindful navigation. Choosing to be negative will simply make the trek harder, but there is even beauty in that mission. Or we can choose to just sit idly while life passes by. The pills we choose to swallow either be our nourishment or malnutrition.